An answer to prayers on Christmas

One of the things that always surprises me about God is how He hears everything we say or think in our hearts. Even when it isn’t our typically worded prayer asking for something. It really shouldn’t surprise me at all but it always does. I wrote a blog last Tuesday after I had read another friends blog. During this time I was just really convicted about what things I spent most of my time thinking about. I’m constantly surprised at how easy it is to become so selfish and only think of ourselves. We seem to easily forget the hungry, poor, hurting and orphans, and I am probably one of the guiltiest of this. How often do I really go about my everyday remembering to pray for others and think of them rather than thinking of the next thing I’m going to do for myself? Unfortunately I would have to say not often. However, last week I was so convicted that I might forget the orphans during the holidays. I even wrote a blog about it. I suspected that maybe I’d remember them briefly during the holidays because I was so convicted about it but I had no idea the way God would answer this plea from my heart.

Christmas around Shale and I typically takes place like this. The day before Christmas we go to my parents house. We stay the night there and celebrate Christmas with them and my sisters and their families early Christmas morning. Then later that afternoon we drive to Shale’s parents’ house and celebrate Christmas there with his family. This Christmas while we were opening presents with my family Shale got a phone call and immediately jumped up and went outside to answer it (I have to admit at the time I was thinking to myself that this was pretty rude). However after we finished presents with my family I was in the kitchen getting some coffee when Shale came in and told me that our friend Joe (name protected due to nature of missions work) in India had called. He was calling to wish us a merry Christmas and thank us for our friendship. He talked to Shale a while and then told him that the day before he had visited an orphanage. While he was talking to some of the kids he told them about me and how much God was growing a passion for orphans in my heart. The kids then said they wanted to stop what they were doing and pray for me! I couldn’t believe that!!! Here I was thousands of miles away wondering if I would even remember them on Christmas and they were praying for me!!!! These children who have absolutely nothing and no one in the middle of one of the most persecuted countries stopped what they were doing to pray for me just because I was starting to have a passion for them. Well as you can guess I didn’t forget the orphans this Christmas, actually I cried for them, on Christmas morning. I wept because in their simplicity of life somehow their love for me was demonstrated far more than mine for them, all because of a simple prayer.

This reminded me of a verse that I always think of when I remember orphans.
 
For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in. Psalm 27:10
 
I always think of this verse because I imagine this is how an orphan must feel when they come to know Christ. Such a beautiful picture, but one that is quickly marred by this verse…
 
For "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!" Romans 10:13-15
 
How will they know if we don’t go? How can we sit by and say we aren’t called to go? Do these verses not convict us enough? Are the words of Christ “go and make disciples” optional? How many more are out there that don’t even know to pray for anyone because they have no idea of a love like His? What is my part in all this? That’s the question I try to ask myself daily. Lord, may my heart never become hardened to those who do not know you. May I always be sensitive to the lost and hurting. May my heart and mouth constantly go and spread your love always, till I am unable to go for you anymore.

Do I cry?

Cry: to weep; shed tears, with or without sound; to call loudly; to demand resolution or strongly indicate a particular disposition
  
If that's what cry means that what do I really cry for?  What do I weep for, call loudly to God for and demand resolution for?


Do I weep for the child whose feet never cut because they are so hardened to the ground because they have no concept of what shoes are?
Or do I not even think to think about that while I go about my daily activities in my favorite sandals?


Do I shed tears for the 5 year old boy who will sleep under the streets of Moscow next to pipes for warmth?
Or do I complain when the sunny Florida temperatures drop below 50 and I have to turn on the heat?


Do I beg for someone to rescue the 8 year old girl who has been sold into human trafficking with a man 5 times her age?
Or do I flip the channel so I don't have to hear the story again?


Do I call out to God for the child who has bounced around in foster care their whole life and can't even begin to understand what love means, and even more what unconditional love of a savior would mean?
Or do I continue to fight with my bitterness towards someone because I don't feel like showing them love again?


Does my heart scream out prayers to God for the boy who has been taken captive as a child soldier because both parents have been lost to Aids?
Or do I spend more time watching my favorite TV show than I ever will thinking of them?


Do I disssolve in tears for the child who is sniffing glue right now so that they might feel full because they do not know whether they will eat today?
Or do I care more about utilizing my lunch break to be able to go to that specific restaurant?


Does my heart break for the special needs orphan that is tied down to a bed right now because there are not enough workers to watch her?
Or do I complain about how my life is too busy to have "me time"?

Do I spend time really greiving for and praying for the child who will never have a family because we won't open our homes?
Or do I spend more time following my friends Facebook feeds about their families?


Do I really care more about the orphan, the fatherless, the widow, the soujourner, the hungry, the poor, the downtrodden, the afficted, the weak?  Do I really care more about Jesus?
Or do I care more about my time, my job, my money, my car, my food, my friends, my family, my "knowledge", my fun, my life.


Do I really cry for the orphan?
Or do I care more about myself?


Matthew 25: 31-45 The Message Version
"When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left.  "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:  I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.'  "Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'  "Then he will turn to the 'goats,' the ones on his left, and say, 'Get out, worthless goats! You're good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because - I was hungry and you gave me no meal, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was homeless and you gave me no bed, I was shivering and you gave me no clothes, Sick and in prison, and you never visited.'  "Then those 'goats' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?'  "He will answer them, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.'



When Jesus was in the garden and He was praying so hard that He sweat drops of blood do you think He left these children out?  Do you think He was just praying for me and you?  Why did He mention them so much?  Why do I (and most of American Christians) feel it is an "optional calling" to help the orphan?  Why do I take His commands as suggestions?  Why do I elevate my desires above His desires?


This Christmas will I forget about them?  Will I spend all my time consumed in Christmas presents, food and fun or will I remember the orphan?  When I'm going to sleep on Christmas eve will I dream about the fun times tomorrow or will I dream of the child who has no tomorrow?


The conviction is unsettling...

Twisted Expectations

Jackie's House 3 newly orphaned babies

Well as you may know if you’re friends with me personally I just went on my first out of the country mission trip last week during thanksgiving. I’ve been out of the country before now but this was the first time I went with the sole purpose of doing “mission work”. It was also the first trip that I would go on where I would be specifically helping orphans the entire time. It was definitely a trip that God provided for. Back in January the college age girls class I lead started praying that God would show them something they could do that they would know God was behind them 100% and that’s how we ended up in the Dominican Republic for Thanksgiving. (The story is actually really amazing how God directed and provided, you can read more about it here: http://ourheartspassion.blogspot.com/2010/11/in-years-time.html) However, for me personally I had no clue how God was about to use this trip. I had expectations for sure. I knew my passion was orphans and I was excited about this opportunity. I was so glad that I could finally stop just reading and dreaming about helping, I could go help. However, I had no idea that God was going to use this trip to reveal a bigger purpose to me. 

One of my favorites

You see the trip didn’t turn out like I would have wanted it to. I was completely expecting to go over there and realize this is what I’m supposed to do. I thought maybe this was God’s way of leading me to start setting up my life and job so that I could have more time off to do short term missions, but it wasn’t. To make matters even more confusing I realized it wasn’t what I was supposed to do the 2nd day we were there. I was completely confused. I couldn’t even really process what this meant. While we were visiting a handicapped orphanage, Jackie’s House, and an all girls orphanage I was contemplating. The girls would get back in the van afterwards and feel heartbroken and accomplished at the same time, little did they know I was sitting there questioning and contemplating why I felt so numb. I had prepared myself! I had read every verse in the bible that mentioned the orphaned and fatherless, I had read books about orphans, and I had prayed so hard for this trip. Why did I feel so empty and numb? It was something I couldn’t figure out the entire trip, in fact I wasn’t able to process it until about 2 days after we got back. Don’t get me wrong the trip was great and I would do it again in a heartbeat but something was missing.

Sunday and Monday (our first two days back) were so hard for me, but not in the same way it was for the other girls. When everyone was asking how the trip was the girls said they were fighting back tears because they didn’t know how to explain how much they missed the kids. I on the other hand was praying that no one would ask me how it went, I didn’t know what to say except “it wasn’t what I expected”. I spent so much of Monday in prayer pleading with God to explain. I feel now that He is beginning to open my eyes to the explanations which is why I wanted to write this blog. I am the type of person who loves helping others, but I love knowing that I made an impact on their lives. I don’t like feeling like I may have made things worse, and that’s exactly how I felt on this trip. I’ve learned enough about foster kids to understand some of the patterns of attachment, and I felt as if I worsened the attachment for these children. I was so numb because I felt so selfish. I felt like I went because it is what I’m commanded to do and it is what I’m passionate about. We visited these children and loved on them for a day and then left them, just like their moms, just like their dads, just like everyone else. I kept asking myself how that was helping them.

They all just wanted love

This is where God stepped in and started answering my questions. His answer was twofold. First He allowed me to realize that this trip was a necessary part of my future and spiritual journey. Had I not gone on this trip I wouldn’t have realized that it was not what I wanted to do. I may have spent countless time and hours praying for something that wasn’t His purpose for me. It also allowed me to realize that I do want to help orphans, however, I want to invest in them. I don’t want to leave them as so many have, instead I want to love them, care for them, and teach them how to love back and that takes dedicated time rather than sporadic trips. I realized that there are so many people that God has called some to shorter trips and I’m so thankful for that because it lifts the burden of me feeling like I need to do it anyway. I have to realize though that He has called me to something else. The second part of His answer came in an unexpected way. I was driving to work this morning and listening to Christmas music and heard the song Do You Hear What I Hear and something stood out to me that I hadn’t noticed before. In the chorus it talks about Jesus shivering in the cold and the wisemen bringing him silver and gold. This got me thinking about the Christmas story and how the wisemen brought Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh.

When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Matt. 2:10-11

However, I realized this morning that the bible never tells you what happened with those gifts. It’s not like the bible says the wisemen brought Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh and this helped fund his ministry and help him financially. It never mentions it again. This reminded me of a lesson God has been teaching me over the last 2 years. God doesn’t ask us to do things with the focus on the end result, He asks us to do it out of obedience. This has been a huge lesson for me. It has taught me not to look at the homeless man and wonder if the food I’m going to give him is going to help him go spend his money on drugs and alcohol, but rather look at him with the same sympathy that Christ would and give anyway not worrying of the results. This makes so much more sense when I think about the verse in Matthew where Christ says what you do to the least of these you do to me.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you? “The King will reply,‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matt 25:34-40

The wisemen brought Him gifts because He was the king, holy and worthy of all they could afford to give. If I truly think of the homeless man as “doing unto Christ” how can I not want to give of my time, money and resources? It hit me this morning that this was also true of my trip to the orphanages. I am called in the bible to care for the orphan, widow and sojourner. I realized on this trip that it wasn’t how I wanted to help the orphan long term but I also learned a lesson in obedience. I heard God’s call through His word and I did my best to listen and follow, now the end results are up to Him. This time around it was a much more heartbreaking obedience but none compared to the heartbreaking sacrifice He has given for me. 

I think I left a piece of my heart...

Who to serve?

There are 2 passages of scripture that have haunted me over the past several months. It wasn’t until today that I realized how intertwined these two passages had become in my life. Over the past year I decided that I was going to live according to what the word of God says rather than what I’ve always believed, been taught, or assumed. I decided to start looking at the word like I would imagine a new believer in the middle east to look at it… obediently. I realized that the whole old testament was written to show me this incredible love that God h.as for me and to lead me to a place where I could realize that there was nothing else to do except give every ounce of my life to Him I got that part, as a girl it was really easy for me to look at God as someone who pursued and loved me, it was basically every romance movie I had ever seen, scripted just for me. It was a dream come true. But then I started to read the New Testament. I started to read it as if every story I read was brand new. I started to dig deep and come to conclusions that I would follow the word no matter what. To put it very plainly, that didn’t leave a warm fuzzy feeling like the Old Testament. You see if you sit down and talk to anyone who is a Christian and you describe to them how much God loves you and how much He does for you, most of them get it. You’ll probably even end up with a few “amens” along the way. But I’ve found if you sit down with most Christians and tell them that you know God is calling you to live uncomfortably and to deny what you’ve “always thought” for what His word says, people start to object. When you start to tell them you believe God wants you to witness to everyone you encounter they may praise you for being “called” or “gifted” to do that, but that's not their "calling". When you tell them you think as a Christian we are instructed to help orphans, widows, and homeless they may question why or try and setup ramifications for what that “really means”. And when you tell them you think God has called you to sell some of your possessions and possibly move somewhere else… honestly, most of them look at you like you just grew two heads.

It’s been a hard process but such a humbling one. Over the past two years God has pressed on my heart that He calls every Christian in some way, shape, or form to reach out to three groups of people (orphans, widows, and homeless). It’s a subject addressed all throughout old and new testament. First God reveals His own love for these people then He decides to thrown in verses like James 1:27 about pure and undefiled religion helping such as these. It’s pretty unquestionable that He commands in that verse what to do and honestly I really battled with this. I didn’t know how to help and no one had ever even told me I needed to help. So I began to pray and ask God for ways I could help others eyes be opened to this same issue. Then I started teaching a new group of girls in my college class, girls that had a heart for orphans and girls that wanted to go on a mission trip to help them. We began a bi-weekly bible study going through every verse in the bible that dealt with orphans and fatherless, and they too were convicted. However, many of them faced the same questioning gazes I also have faced when trying to explain this to other Christians.


This is where the two passages come in. The first passage I felt God really told me to cling to was Philippians 3:7-21 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.
This passage so convicted me to hold on to His word only. To compare everything that I’ve been told, I’ve thought, I’ve been taught or I’ve questioned to the word of God. To be someone who so thinks and acts like Christ that you could literally suggest to others to “follow you as you follow Christ”. That was challenging. That meant I couldn’t settle for someone else’s faith or someone else’s rules I had to figure out Christ’s and hold to them as my own. However, this meant that when people would bring up areas that weren’t in line with the word of God that I was put in an awkward position. Most of the time I can hold my tongue or realize it’s not an issue worth discussing but what do you do when they are asking your position? Or what do you do when you are asked to do something you feel is against what the word says? What do you do when these people are people that are Christians?

God then showed me my second convicting passage Galatians 1:10 “Am I trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ”. This is a verse so convicting I keep it taped to my computer so I’m always thinking of it. That’s really the answer to my questions. Who am I serving? That’s a challenge. It’s hard. It sometimes means your reputation with others. But in the end what does it really mean? On the day I die I will stand before no one but Christ. I can’t blame something I did or did not do on what anyone else did or did not tell me. I have an instruction manual in front of me daily and I’m held to it. When I stand before Him I will have no excuses except to answer who I was really serving. Over the past few days God has also shown me this applies to other areas besides orphans, widows and needy. It's funny that I've always heard "If you can be trusted with little you will be trusted with much." Somehow I thought orphans, widows and needy were much, but I'm finding out they are just the beginning. I think constantly during my life I will be brought back to the question "who do I serve". I hope that I can look back on every decision that was made, every path I took, and every questioning gaze I faced and know that I consistently served God not man. I hope that challenges you also to look at every area of your life to see who you are following .

Robbed

This blog is different. It’s still something I’m passionate about but not necessarily about orphans. For those of you who do not know me personally or haven’t talked to me I need to give a little clarification before I start the next blog post. My husband and I both teach in the college age ministry at our church. He’s been teaching for about 3 years and I’ve been teaching for about two. I teach a class of girls ranging in age from 18 – 26, and they are all either in school or working towards school. When I first started teaching it was more out of obedience than anything else. It was something God laid on my heart for several months before I even got up the courage to ask anyone about it. It was not something that I “felt like I would be good at”. I honestly felt too young, unqualified, not smart enough and I definitely didn’t think I would be comfortable speaking in front of these girls. I was worried they would immediately see right through all of my fears and have no desire to hear anything I said. They definitely did see right through my fears, although not in the way I expected. Instead they loved the fact that I was transparent. Over the past 2 years I have gone from a class of 5 to a class of 25. Not because I’m a good teacher, because I’m not, but because this age craves guidance from someone they feel is striving to live for God. If you’ve been through the college age you probably can look back and see that time as one of the times in your life when you had the biggest amount of growth in the smallest amount of time. It is the time of your life when you have to learn pretty quickly what you believe, what you stand for and why. This is the time when you come face to face with the fact that “their parent’s faith” won’t cut it; it has to be their own faith. However, I have also found that if they chose to make this faith their own then it is the time in their life when they are most willing to alter their life course to live for God. For some reason at this age these students are willing to give up anything and everything to live a life that is pleasing to God, but something is missing.

Three weeks ago I went around a classroom of almost 30 girls and asked this question: “what is the one thing that is holding you back from being ‘sold out’ for Christ”. Some of the girls responses were as follows:
“a fear of failure”
“a fear of rejection by my family”
“a fear of being mocked by my friends”
“ a fear that I can’t…”
“a fear that I will mess things up”
These answers still haunt me. As the girls continued on it was all I could do to hold back my tears. Not because they wouldn’t be “sold out to Christ”, instead I wanted to cry because I realized that each of these barriers can be overcome. They just needed someone to come along side them and say “follow me as I follow Christ, run with me and I’ll have your back”. I looked around this room of close to thirty and realized that there was no way I would reach all of these girls. I could go to breakfast, lunch and dinner with a different one of them every day of the week and would still only end up having the time to talk to 21 of them, and I definitely wouldn’t have the time to follow up with each of them to give them the encouragement and support that they need.

A few days later I went to lunch with a girl who is also in that class that I’m personally “discipling”. She was telling me how she wanted to disciple some middle school girls but she didn’t know how because she had never really had anyone ask her the tough questions. I apologized to her and told her that was supposed to be my job as her mentor, disciple, whatever you want to call it; and I obviously hadn’t done that. However, the interesting thing was in my heart my response was the same as hers. I hadn’t done it because I didn’t know how either. I never had anyone ask me the hard questions. That’s when I realized the “robbed” feeling. I began asking some of the older girls I knew if anyone had ever truly discipled and invested in them, only 1 girl said yes! In the church somehow we have gotten away from one of the basic qualities of a Christian – discipleship. We never had anyone take the time to teach us how to disciple, so therefore we don’t take the time to teach those younger than us, and this pattern continues on. However, in the bible over and over again we see that discipleship is one of the core responsibilities God places on us. I’m not supposed to reach 25 girls, even Jesus had his 12 and of that the very close 3.

I’m not going to lie, at first I wanted to jump on the bandwagon and blame the generation before me. Well, if they had discipled me, I would know how, and then it wouldn’t be such a big deal. I realized soon that this lack of discipling went even farther. I started asking older ladies I knew, most of them hadn’t been disciple either! It almost seemed like a one way train headed in the wrong direction. I realized that by making excuses I was robbing the generation younger than me. I began to be convicted by such passages such as Titus 2, 2 Tim 3:16, 1 Tim 2:2 and Matt. 28. These verses seemed to be telling me that especially as a woman; I should be discipling, teaching and training. It wasn’t something I could blame on the prior generation it was something that I needed to do. I had to try to break the cycle in my life and decide that I was going to try my hardest to learn to disciple someone just as the Bible has said.

To close out my blog I really want to issue a challenge that I gave myself. Are you discipling someone, or are simply coasting through your walk trying to become “the best Christian you can be”? Upon listening and reading lately I’ve really realized that my walk and my attitudes as a Christian are selfish. My focus is constantly consumer based, “how does this message apply to me”, “what do I need to change in my life”, “what does God want from me”, “what is God’s will for me”. Instead my focus should be more of bringing God glory in everything (period). If that is my focus then it doesn’t matter the “me” God will take care of that if I keep my focus on Him. Part of my keeping my focus on Him is realizing that when He commands me to do something in His word (Matt 28) I must do it. If I do not then I am purposely keeping a part of my life from bringing Him glory. These students don’t want someone to come to them and say “lets walk through a bible study”, they simply want someone to come to them and say “I have your back, together lets figure out how to bring God the most glory”. They just want someone who will take the time to personally invest in them.  For most of them they have enough people in their lives teaching at them (they are in college after all) sometimes they just need someone to listen and offer biblical advice. They’re just as intimidated as you are but for some of them they are struggling spiritually because they don’t have this influence. I want to finish out with a closing thought from that same young lady I had lunch with.

“I wish someone would have come along side me when I was younger and asked me the hard questions someone who would have challenged me to chase after God; then maybe I would know how to do the same thing to girls who are younger than me. But I’m not going to go ask one of these older ladies to do that, I’m too scared. But if any of them would just come and ask me I wouldn’t hesitate to say yes.”

These students are willing to let you teach them, are you will to reach out?

2 Tim 2:2

“And what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.”

Great Video

True Religion from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Why does no one love me?

I am definitely the kind of person you can define as “a dreamer”. I love thinking about the future and if I could do anything what I would do, but I also have to say I’m a dreamer by another definition. I am not one of those people who can’t remember what they dream about at night. I seem to wake up every day able to remember what I dreamed about the night before. I can tell when I’m getting sick by simply the fact that my dreams become outrageously scary (stuff that should only be seen in movies I won’t even watch myself). However this remembering my dreams isn’t always beneficial. There are times I remember dreams that cause me to be convicted for the next several weeks. This blog is about one of those dreams.

Last week I had a dream about orphans. Nothing surprising here as our dreams often have to do with things we talk about before going to sleep and I had been texting with a friend who was sharing a story of orphanages in India. However, my dream is one I can’t get out of my thoughts. In my dream Shale and I were taking care of three orphans; a little girl around the age of 10, a little boy about 6 and a little boy about 4. The dream seemed to last forever and went through several days in our “life” with these 3 kids. During the dream I remember thinking several times “this is so difficult; people were right when they warned me this would be hard”. I remember that I couldn’t get these three kids to sleep because they had behavior issues. I also remember that during the day portion of the dream I would have to wake up, wake these three kids up, and then we would go and spend all day in an orphanage helping take care of other kids. I remember several times in the dream thinking this was so exhausting. However, at each of those moments when I would think that, the youngest boy would look up to me and ask “Why does no one love me?” Over and over during the dream he would ask me this question and each time I couldn’t give him an answer. I remember at one point thinking I couldn’t do this work for orphans any more only to look down and see him look up and say “why does no one love me?” I couldn’t answer his question. I remember thinking I at least wanted to be able to say “well, I love you” but in the dream I could not bring myself to say that. This questioning and not being able to answer kept occurring over and over again until finally my alarm went off.

When I woke up I sat there for a couple of minutes until I started crying. I realized that this question was more real than I wanted to admit. Not only are there children all over the world (146 million to be exact) asking why no one loves them but there is also someone even more important asking this. When I first woke up I thought it was just a question that an orphan could ask and it broke my heart that there were so many kids around the world that could be asking that question. As the week went on and the question lingered in my head God showed me an even deeper question as to who I truly loved. I realized as I kept thinking about this question that it was also a question that Christ could ask of me. Over and over again throughout the old and new testament God impresses on us His love for the fatherless. Over and over He calls us to defend and love the orphan. Yet I often thought of these commands as simply a way of helping those who God loves. I didn’t truly understand that in loving these, I am loving Him. If I am not following verses such as James 1:27, Isaiah 1:17, or Jeremiah 5:28 am I following Him? This doesn’t mean that everyone who is a Christian is called to go out and adopt or run an orphanage. God could be calling someone to obey these verses through coming before Him and praying for children much like the ones in my dream. He may be calling someone to mentor a child in foster care. He could be calling someone to financially help out a family who has been called to adopt but can’t afford it. He may even be calling some to go on a short term missions trip to help those who are exhausted from constantly caring for so many by helping take the burden off them for a week. There are many ways in which God may lead each of us to help this people group He loves but one thing is for certain, He calls each of us to help in some way.

This past Sunday I was teaching my class of college age girls and we were talking about our sin and Christ’s payment for that sin. I shared with them how we often minimize what Christ did for us on the cross. We don’t really understand the pain He had to suffer when all sin of the entire world was heaped on Him at once. One girl in my class later explained it as “all hell literally breaking loose on one man, Christ”. He had to become such sin for us that even God had to look away. However, we often take that picture and minimize it as something that had to take place for our salvation. We separate the pain and suffering from the grace. We take the grace and say that we are saved and God loves us and we forget about the pain because if we truly looked at the pain Christ had to suffer in its entirety it would alter the course of our lives. We would no longer be able to take verses like James 1:27 that say true religion is caring for the orphan and widow and dismiss it to “someone else who God calls to that”. We would realize that in everything that He suffered for us, the LEAST we can do is live lives that dramatically follow the word of God. In our disobedience to follow everything His word says we basically minimize all that happened from the garden to the ascension. We take some verses in the Bible and make them “set in stone” and then we use others as if only a few of us are supposed to do them. It pains me that for years this was the life I lived. Of course I’ve looked back on times in my life when I have lied, gossiped, and had envy and bitterness; and felt repentance and brokenness over the things I’ve done. But have I ever looked at times in my life where I ignored the widow, overlooked the orphan or dismissed the hungry and felt the same conviction? I look at my own life and wonder if I really love Christ enough to follow every single thing His word says or if I just pick and choose the things I was taught to do more than others. In realizing that it becomes much easier to see how Christ could look up at me through the eyes of an orphan and say “why does no one love me?”

The "Abba" Cry

Saturday afternoon I had one of those days where I was really sick with a cold and pretty much made a permanent home on the couch for the day. Later in the day I was flipping through the channels on the TV and I found a news coverage called “Children for Sale”. In my curiosity I flipped to the channel and for the next hour I watched a story I will never forget. The show was actually a follow up of an inside look at human trafficking in Cambodia that MSNBC had done back in 2003. The show talked about changes that had been made and hadn’t been made since then. I couldn’t believe what I had seen. I mean I’m not oblivious that human trafficking takes place. I’ve heard speakers talk about it, I’ve heard mentions of it on the news, and I think I even watched a Lifetime movie on it once. But nothing, absolutely nothing compares to seeing it from a child’s perspective. In this show they had a human rights investigator go undercover to these places in Cambodia in an effort to expose the people behind the movement. When the man would walk inside these little girls (between 5 and 15) would go up to him and offer themselves, because this is what they are trained to do. I was broken hearted by the fact that these little girls didn’t even see anything wrong with this anymore. Just as heartbreaking was the fact that the person who was keeping care of them was a lady in her 30s. I guess I had always imagined that it would be some weird older man but never a lady like this, never someone who could have been one of the girl’s moms. However, the story does get better. Later on in the show the government arrested several of the people running the program and took the little girls away. They put these girls in safe houses where they would be loved and nurtured by people who cared for them. Of course that was wonderful that they saved them but the story didn’t stop there. As they are taking these girls away some of them start screaming and crying. They didn’t want to leave. This was all they had known for a greater part of their life and they didn’t understand that they were going to something better. In short they didn’t realize what they were being saved from.

Immediately I was so convicted about my own relationship with Christ. Do I really and truly realize what I am saved from? Do I understand what I am being blessed with? Did I react to God, when first saved, as one of these young girls? Screaming and crying for my former life? It left me praying and thanking God for how he orchestrates His love to be revealed to me in the correct time. Over the past few days I had been reading Adopted for Life By Dr. Russell Moore and there was a story in there that God would use to touch my heart during this TV segment. Dr. Moore was telling a discription about the “Abba” cry.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

Romans 8:15

If you’ve grown up in the church like I did then you’ve probably heard some preacher or teacher speak on this verse. You’ve probably heard how it means “dada” or “daddy” but in the book Dr. Moore explains how that is the watered down version. He explains that this “Abba” is the same word that Christ uses in the garden before going to the cross (Mark 14:36). Before having this explained to me I originally thought that Christ is praying to His Daddy because He was scared of what He was about to face. I thought He was scared because He knew He was going to be beaten, bruised, pierced, and flogged. However, recently I heard a message by David Platt that completely changed that idea. Why would Jesus be scared of these earthly pains? We have countless examples of Christians being crucified and martyred for their faith that weren’t scared. Some sang while being tortured, some prayed for their captors while being beaten, and some even thanked their arrestors while being lead away. Why would Jesus be more cowardly than these? Then He explained that wasn’t the reason. Jesus was crying “Abba” because He could see the intensity of the sin He was about to face. He could see what sin and Hell really looked like and realized He had to go there and back for us. In Christ realizing the intensity of our sin that He had to face He desperately cried out “Abba” with not a sweet innocent cry but a heart wrenching plea. Russell Moore explains it as this “The Abba cry is a scream. It’s less the sound of a baby giggling up into his fathers face and more the sound of a child screaming ‘Daddy’ as his face is being ripped apart by a rabid bulldog.” Wow. That is the high pitched, scared to death scream. That is a scream where you look at Hell and see where you should be going and cry out “Abba” save me! It’s a scream your soul probably screamed before you became a Christian because before that you didn’t know where you would be going if you died tonight. However, before to often I focus less on crying “Abba” and more on crying out for the comfort of the familiar.

This cry for comfort is the same scream I heard these little girls scream. They were screaming for someone to save them because they didn’t know where they were going. Even as they were being taken away and told they were going to a better place they didn’t understand it. They would rather stay in the filthiness of where they were because they knew what to expect there. They had no idea how much better off they would be. That is the scream I know I’ve cried to God several times in my life. The scream of “but I know this, I’m comfortable here, it may not be your best but I know what to expect”. It’s a cry that I would rather be left in my comfort than go in faith with Him. Fortunately though, like a parent who truly loves this child for all their worth He picks us up and carries us with Him to a place where we look back and see that everything else was like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). It is moments like today when God reveals a portion of how much He loves me that challenges me so much. Times like this I look at my life and realize all the pain and sorrow I’ve caused Him and everything He did and still does for me and I wonder how I was ever so lukewarm in my walk. If I truly grasp His love like this how can I not give up everything to follow after Him? How can I not do everything to bring Him the most glory in every moment of my life? I know that it will be difficult. I know others won’t understand how I can give up all security and protection for Him. But I also know that one day I will stand before God and cry out “Abba” with every ounce of my being and I can only hope that He will look back at me and say “well done my good and faithful servant”.

Eat Mud

I remember when I was a little girl my sisters and I had a tree house in the back yard. We designated an area in the tree house that was our official “kitchen”. We tied a sand bucket to a rope that we attached to a tree branch in the kitchen and would drop the bucket down and whoever got the short end of the stick would have climb down and go fill the bucket up. We would fill the bucket up with white sand (sugar), black sand (chocolate) or water (oil). We then had a little pan that we would mix them in and we would make “cakes”, well mud cakes anyway. We loved doing this because we felt like we were grownups in our kitchen. However, we would never eat them… I mean even at less than 10 years old we all knew not to eat mud. Mud was gross, it made you sick, and it left a gritty taste in your mouth (so mom said). I never really thought about this again until recently I had a friend that emailed me a link to a story by BBC news.
(see full story here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8682558.stm)
It was a story that hurt my heart to read. To briefly sum it up it talked about families in the slums of India that literally eat mud. They don’t eat it because they are pretending to make a cake; they eat it because they have nothing to eat. It tells a story of a family who usually has one meal a day but recently has gone to sleep with no meals, just mud. I couldn’t believe this! I mean I expected the potbelly kids and situations like this from Africa, but from India! I didn’t realize that 1/3 of the very poorest people in the world live in India.

As usual my mind went to the kids who don’t even have parents. If these children who do have parents eat mud what do the ones who don’t have parents do? In 2007 UNICEF estimated that there were more than 25 million orphans in India with only just over 3,000 adoptions taking place in 2006. Not only are these children not having anything to eat, they also don’t have anyone to care. I recently heard a message about orphans. In this message it talks about when this couple was trying to adopt and the long process they had to go through. They talked about how they were assigned a child and shortly before they were able to go get the child it died. He said this is common and happens sometimes in adoption process, however, one thing he said really stood out to me. He said before they were matched if that little girl would have died she would have had no one. However, since they had been matched to her she didn’t die without anyone caring. She died having a mom and a dad and a family caring for her. I thought this was so profound as I don’t often think of orphans as having absolutely no one. If there are hundreds of families in India eating mud, how many more children are there that are in that situation and no one cares.

You will never guess the most amazing part of this story. The friend who told me this is from India. They felt like for the past year God was telling them to go back to India and start Bible Institutes. These places will be a place where anyone can walk in and be taught the bible (NT or OT) overview in about an hour. They told me how there were so many people coming to know Christ through this because they were just waiting to hear the news. However, they ended their email to me saying “pray for me, I know that in doing this there will be much persecution and loss of life.” That is someone who understands the heart of God. That is someone who understands families eating mud, children becoming orphans from a parent dying of aids, and hearts being forced into Islam. They are truly someone who understands India and they are willing to risk their very life to show them Christ. I’m both convicted and saddened. I’m convicted as to whether I would be that willing to walk into a situation knowing I would most likely be murdered because of my love for Christ. I’m saddened to say that I would prefer my comforts here. I pray more than anything that this person’s life is honored. More than the popular Christian speakers in America, more than the mega-church pastors, and more than the Christian book writers; may this person’s life be one we point at and say “they counted the cost, they knew the need and they took up their cross and followed Him.”

More than an orphan

I haven’t blogged in a while because I just got married a month ago to my best friend! I suppose a small part of me thought the passion for orphans would go away after getting married. I guess I thought it would be like the baby bug. You know, when everyone else around you has a baby and seems to be happy and you think… I want a baby, when in reality you only want on because they have one. However, my passion ended up not being a “bug”. In fact the exact opposite happened. About 2 weeks after we got married my new husband went to a Christian convention and heard about the needs for orphans. On his way home he texted me saying “I hope you’re ready to adopt orphans or move overseas” to which I jokingly replied “fine by me!” However, I do have to say it was comforting to know that this person I had decided to spend the rest of my life with agreed with my passion. A few days after that I came across an organization that shattered my current perception of orphans. I was looking on a church website at some organizations they partner with and came across an organization called Life Impact International. Up until this point I think I thought most orphans had it hard but I didn’t realize how hard. Life Impact International works with orphans in Thailand and Burma. Their three main areas of focus are to rescue, restore and heal orphans due to the cyclone Nargis, human trafficking, child slavery and child soldiers. They have an amazing video I posted below (see rescued post or click on the utube link at the end of this post) that gives an overview of their passion and tells a little more about why they felt the need to start this organization. What I didn’t realize is how uninformed I was. I didn’t realize that there were 8.4 million children caught in slavery, trafficking, debt bondage, prostitution, pornography, or other illicit activities (Facts on Child Labor, International Labor Organization, 2003). I also didn’t even comprehend that every 2 minutes a child is trafficked for sexual exploitation (Rescued, SobaiFilm, www.lifeimpactintl.org, 2009). The children that life impact international rescues would either end up child soldiers, in slavery, or sex slaves. Not only would they not have parents but they would also live a life of hell on earth. In Thailand and Burma poverty is extreme and many women are beggars. When you are a beggar it is helpful to have a baby. Even in America I am more likely to give a woman with a baby money than probably anyone else just because I feel bad for her. However, once that child reaches a certain age they are older, eat more and are no longer any help to mom with begging. So many mothers sell their children to either the government or a slave trader. One of the stories on the website tells of a child who was in this very situation. She had gotten too old and her mother decided to sell her into human trafficking for $18 American dollars! However, Life Impact International happened to come into contact with that mother that day and worked out a deal with the mom and the trader to pay $24 American dollars for this little girl in order to save her. They then took the little girl back to the “safe home” they have for these children and she has lived there since. A while later her mother sent the little girls younger sister there to live in the safe home also so that she might have life that is different than the predicted outcome for most of these. This completely shocked me. I will often go to somewhere and easily spend $24 on an outfit while I could be rescuing a child for $24!!!! After this I began to be heartbroken over the situation and started praying more and more. Yesterday I went online and looked up the adoption statistics for the country of Thailand. In a country where 800,000 prostitutes are under 16 only 56 children were adopted from Thailand last year. That is when I knew I had to write a new blog. Whether anyone reads it, feels a challenge from God, prays for this organization, helps them financial, or even adopts; I’ll never know. But what I do know is that hopefully, through my desire to raise awareness of such issues, someday you will have the opportunity to share with someone else something that breaks the heart of God. If you would like to visit Life Impact International’s website to find out more please visit http://www.lifeimpactintl.org/

May we offer up a pray for these children to prove Psalm 10:17-18

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AryiBKkWq18

RESCUED

Honor or Comfort?

After once again coming across the verse Psalm 19:14 (Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.) God really laid it on my heart to do an in depth study of this chapter. Today I went through the first verse and immediately was convicted to not keep this to myself but to share it with others. I feel as if He has told me that I too need to share this with the next closest generation to me, so this is for you!

Psalm 19:1 ESV

The heavens declare the glory of God and the sky above proclaims His handiwork.

Pretty simple verse, right? That’s what I thought until I began to dig deeper.
The Hebrew word declare means to count, to number, to declare and to talk.
It is used several times throughout the bible but to better understand what the specific writer of Psalm 19 meant I stuck to the Psalms.

Psalm 2:7 I will surely tell of the decree of the Lord: He said to me “you are my son (daughter) today I have begotten you”.

Psalm 22:22 I will tell of your name to my brethren in the midst of the assembly I will praise you.


Psalm 66:16 Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell what he has done FOR MY SOUL.

The next half of the verse says that the sky above proclaims His handiwork.

The Hebrew word proclaims means to be conspicuous, to tell, to announce, to make known, to publish and to acknowledge.

Psalm 51:15 O Lord, open my lips, that my mouth may declare your praise.


Psalm 145:4 One generation shall praise your works to another and shall declare your mighty acts.


Psalm 71:17-18 O God, you have taught me from my youth, and I still declare your wondrous deeds. And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare your strength to this generation, your power to all who are to come.

So what are these things that even the heaven and sky proclaim but we seem to be so easy to brush off?

The Hebrew word for Work of His hands (Handiwork) means His deed, act, labor and achievement

Psalm 28:5 Because they do not regard the works of the Lord nor the deeds of his hands, he will tear them down and not build them up.


Psalm 33:15 He fashions the hearts of them all, He who understands all their works.

I don’t know about you but I was so blown away by the time I finished looking up these words. How much of a dishonor am I showing God by not proclaiming His glory. Not only am I not declaring what He has done for my soul, but there are even times when I don’t feel like praising Him in the assembly. Have I really elevated my feelings and perceptions of a moment to somehow feel as if I am worthy of making a decision to praise Him or not? Have I forgotten that even if I don’t praise Him the heavens, sky, rocks, etc… will cry out His praises? Do I not realize the amazing privilege I have to come and praise before the one who created everything and the one who rescued me from who I could have been? Even more so what am I showing the next generation. If I am not one sold out to God who is willing to give up everything for Him (Luke 5) who will show others that kind of abandonment for God? If I am unwilling to give up my stability, comforts, finances, friends, and more for God then who will show the next generation? As a woman if I cannot represent this bringing glory to God will I ever be the Proverbs 31 (opens her mouth with wisdom) or Titus 2 (teach and train younger women) woman or am I settling for modern day mediocrity where the comforts of my world choke out my ability to bring Him glory?


Lord God, you have taught me from my youth, and I still declare your wondrous deeds. And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare your strength to this generation, your power to all who are to come.

Why Orphans?

When you speak to most Christian organizations about why they help with Orphan care immediately they throw out James 1:27 which says:

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” (ESV)This is a verse that is so packed with meaning it is hard to read it and not feel convicted. Upon hearing this verse several times I decided to do a deep study on the verse and really and truly understand what it means to show God religion that is pure and undefiled. James starts out his letter to these 12 with some very basic truths of the Christian faith. He goes over what to do if you don’t understand something from God, how to act in trials, how to control your speech and how to be doers of the word and not merely hearers. Lastly he finishes up this first chapter by concluding with the verse mentioned above.

I originally looked at this verse and saw pure and undefiled and took them to mean clean, holy and set apart. Upon studying these words I realized that God had meant them in an even deeper way. The word pure in this verse literally means clean and pure, like a vine cleansed by pruning and so fitted to bear fruit. The word undefiled means not only unsoiled, but also free from that by which the nature of a things force or vigor is impaired. The second part of the meaning of the word undefiled blows me away. God is saying that a religion like the one mentioned in these verse is a religion that doesn’t impair the force or vigor of your nature. Unlike the attitude most of us have picked up in church, God never intended for Christians to be boring, withdrawn and lacking in passion. Words like this just go to prove that. God desired for us to naturally be vigorous and have a driving force in life. However, the nature of things in this world impair that. This pure religion (or worship) for God is one in which the things of this world can’t stop or impair that vigor.

This verse is one in which many short term mission trips can be justified, many prayers can be said, and people can still walk away feeling like they fulfilled their life duty to “visit” these orphans. However, the Greek word for visit actually means to look after, look upon in order to help or benefit, to care for, and to provide for. I do not think this is an area that God says “thank you for that one time you did…” and you never have to care about it again. I truly think this is an area that God is saying “I need your help, forever”. In America we seem to be pretty good about making sure our widows are cared for. We don’t usually let Grandma starve because we are lucky enough to see our grandparents at least every now and then. Even if they are placed in a nursing home we have ministries that specifically target them. However, since orphans aren’t directly in our face in America it’s almost like we don’t even realize the need. For example, did you know there are an estimated 163 MILLION orphans in the world? Did you know the majority of them aren’t even in an orphanage (they live on the streets)? Did you know America currently has an estimated 500,000 foster care children? Did you know that there are estimated 300,000 churches in America, which would mean each church would only need to take in 2 foster care children in order to alleviate ALL of the American orphans!?

If the church truly wants to glorify God and show Him true worship I think this is the next step. We must realize that God’s word in James 1:27 and throughout other parts of the bible isn’t a suggestion, it’s a command. One survey suggested that of all the evangelical churches in America the majority give less than 1% to helping reach, rescue and make disciples of these orphans. Less than 1% to a group of people who due to their young age cannot even help themselves! I believe God desires for us to have true and undefiled religion with Him because He knows that this is just one of the steps to restoring our passion and escaping from the things that impair our force and vigor. So if you can’t do anything else… pray… pray that our churches would become more aware of the needs and step out to be Christ on this earth. We may be the only hope some of these children have to ever learning about their true father who loves them.

The LORD is far from the wicked,but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

Proverbs 15:29

Lord, break my heart for the things that break yours....

That is how this all started. With a simple prayer I had read off of a World Vision website. "Lord, break my heart for the things that break yours." I thought it was such an interesting way of praying to God that I decided I would start praying that prayer as often as I could think about it. I'd like to be able to say I prayed it daily but I would be lying if I said that. However, I did try to pray it as often as I could remember. Then I was talking to a friend about foster care and she told me of the lack of love that a lot of these children have. I then began Reaching Tampa’s Foster Care Prom and Homecoming Campaigns in an effort to connect to these girls. I thought this was something I was doing to help these girls and I had no idea that God would use it to help reveal to me the passions He had in store for me. As I began connecting with some of these girls and with other organizations that were interested in foster care ministries I also began to learn more and more about orphans as a whole.

I am one of those people who when I start to have an interest in something I want to dive head first and learn as much as I can. I decided in a situation like this where I was trying to make God the center of the focus, it was best to go to His word. I began to do a word study on the word “orphan” and was blown away by God’s love for this group of people. It’s not something that is mentioned or briefly touched on in a couple of chapters in the Bible but rather something that is frequently mentioned in both the Old and New testaments. At the same time I was reading these verses I was immensely convicted. You see I had never done anything for these children. I didn’t fully grasp why they were so important to God but the girl in me wanted to help them just because they were helpless children who had no one. I had no idea that God would end up laying an issue so heavily on my heart.

I’ve decided to start this blog as a way of sharing not only how God is teaching me about such a specific need but also to raise awareness. I know that for me I never realized the immense need of these children until lately. I can’t promise this will be a well written, consistent, or thought provoking blog; but I can promise that it will be an outpouring of my heart. I once had a friend tell me that “tears were overflow of passion”, if that is true than this is an issue that I am extremely passionate about. Thanks for reading and I pray that God would also break your heart for the things that break His.

Psalm 40:8 “I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."